where to begin

Ever feel like you've been crazy busy with nothing to show for it? I feel like we've been running, sprinting, hurtling towards these goals that are nonexistant. Bryan still has the same job, I still have mine. We wake up, go to work, work hard, come home, live, eat dinner (most of the time home cooked but I'll admit we like to indulge in a little pizza or teriyaki every once and a while) live some more, go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. 


I'm not complaining, I just feel busy, when in reality, we're really not. Lots on my mind, too much to type and too personal to divulge in one sitting, but I'll start with these thoughts;


I've thought about blogging almost every night. I lay in bed waiting to go to sleep skimming the pages of Pinterest or pouring over another episode of Gilmore Girls for the millionth time, but for some reason it hasn't been so easy to just log into Blogger.


I'm really struggling with patience right now. Patience with myself, life, friends, coworkers, my husband, future plans, family, you name it, I'm practicing patience. And whoever said practice makes perfect can kiss my butt because in no way am I more perfect at patience than I was two months ago. All joking aside though, it's a constant battle.


I feel as though I've been very selfish lately. Part of me pats myself on the back and says, 'Good job kid! You deserve to be selfish!' and the other part of me scolds it's counterpart for being so thoughtless, that I should be thinking of and putting others before me. Which do I choose? Or how can there be a happy medium?


I don't mean this post to just be word vomit, and if you're reading I'm sure you're thinking to yourself I just need to buck up buttercup, but I think it's more than that. It's a quest to be truly happy and content. I've felt it in fleeting life moments, but never for long periods of time. Every once in a while it will creep up on me like it thought I totally forgot about it. I didn't and never do, but it's tough going without it for a while.


Alas, I won't make any promises this time about being back, I catch up on lots of blogs in the wee hours of the morning to see how you all are doing and it brings joy to my heart :) But I did promise some super yummy recipes so I will work on those for sure.


See, my heart and burden already feels a little bit lighter :)

perspective

I'm sitting here, with a warm Mac computer under my palms as I write this, and it feels good.

I'm so glad I decided to slow things down and take time for me lately and appreciate everything I know I have to offer including but not limited to - self love and respect.

In honor of my first entry post-hiatus, I'd like to reflect and entertain my perspective on this last year.

On Friday, the 13th none the less, was my twenty-fourth birthday. Twenty four years of loving, laughing, crying, learning, breathing, stressing, thinking, hugging & kissing, working, earning & spending, reacting, cooking...


And on Friday felt good with myself - twenty four years of me. Amanda Lynn. Daughter. Wife. Sister. Auntie. Lover of all things sunny and happy - happy with myself.
 Who'dve thought? :)


From here on, I will only blog for me. I promise I'm not trying to be selfish (well maybe a little) but I just don't want the warmth and goodness that is blogging, to be lost again. 


I can't wait to share more of newlywed stories, super yummy recipes (because I was totally cheating on my blog with my kitchen - it was heavenly), and your lives with you through your blogs.


I missed you girlfriends!


PS - please stay tuned for the following recipes in the coming week :)

hiatus

I think I first heard that word on Oprah, or maybe the movie 'Casper' - you know that one with a super young Christina Ricci and thensuper cute Devon Sawa. Or maybe it was one of the ghosts who said;

"I feel like Oprah on hiatus." 

I'm rambling...

Either way, it's not till recently that I've truly realized what it meant.

Since September, I've been blogging consistently - pretty much daily. Like I've said before, it's an amazing outlet. It's a place I can come every day, remember to be thankful, tell the ones that are important that I love them, chronicle my cooking endeavors, AND I've made really awesome friends in some of you along the way.

So where am I going with this.

I have been, and am going to be a little more absent than normal, and I can only hope you stick with me like you have in the past through everything else that has happened in my life. 

I'm not hurt, my family is ok, Bryan and I are doing great, but it's just time to take a step back and re-evaluate situations and relationships in my life which may take a toll on my blogging life. I'm finally getting a sleep pattern down and getting my anxiety under control, however, I feel like I'm starting to hold what other people say and think of me in higher regard than what I think and feel about myself - and I'm not ok with that.

On that note, I'll still be around, just not as much for the time being.

You ladies are wonderful, and I continue to look in on your lives every day, I might be taking a minor step back for the time being. Thank you for everything - I really do love you guys!

Just know, I'm sure as heck not giving up on myself or this blog :)

eleven weekend realizations

1. Find out who your true friends are, sooner rather than later
2. Do not, I repeat, do NOT - use the internet inappropriately at work
3. Inevitably, when you look and feel cute, you won't see anyone you know when you go out on the weekend. But when you look a hot mess and feel like crap, you will see ten people you know
4. The sound of a box fan in the window on a sunny day makes my heart go pitter-patter
5. One day of sunshine in Seattle = six days of rain
6. It's ok to stay in on a Saturday evening to catch up on laundry, do your dishes, and cuddle with your husband who is playing x-box - ps, I make a pretty good grilled cheese sandwich, or so I'm told :)
7. It always feels good to come back to Mom and Dad's house - especially on holidays - food for days!
8. 'Love and Other Drugs' had a lot more sex in it than I was expecting, alas, it was still a really good love story.
9. Pepsi slurpees from AM/PM are not, I repeat, are NOT as good as Coke slurpees from 711.
10. I should've video taped me teaching my dad how to use/download apps on his new iPhone4 - pretty funny
11. New mascara always makes me feel better

Here's to a better/less emotional/up-coming week.

But to be honest, I'm already looking forward to next weekend: hopefully going here and seeing this

Until then just for good measure, I wanted to share this with you, found it on Pinterest this weekend and I kind of love it :)

Wordless Wednesday

Someday :)