Monday, July 11, 2011

where to begin

Ever feel like you've been crazy busy with nothing to show for it? I feel like we've been running, sprinting, hurtling towards these goals that are nonexistant. Bryan still has the same job, I still have mine. We wake up, go to work, work hard, come home, live, eat dinner (most of the time home cooked but I'll admit we like to indulge in a little pizza or teriyaki every once and a while) live some more, go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. 

I'm not complaining, I just feel busy, when in reality, we're really not. Lots on my mind, too much to type and too personal to divulge in one sitting, but I'll start with these thoughts;

I've thought about blogging almost every night. I lay in bed waiting to go to sleep skimming the pages of Pinterest or pouring over another episode of Gilmore Girls for the millionth time, but for some reason it hasn't been so easy to just log into Blogger.

I'm really struggling with patience right now. Patience with myself, life, friends, coworkers, my husband, future plans, family, you name it, I'm practicing patience. And whoever said practice makes perfect can kiss my butt because in no way am I more perfect at patience than I was two months ago. All joking aside though, it's a constant battle.

I feel as though I've been very selfish lately. Part of me pats myself on the back and says, 'Good job kid! You deserve to be selfish!' and the other part of me scolds it's counterpart for being so thoughtless, that I should be thinking of and putting others before me. Which do I choose? Or how can there be a happy medium?

I don't mean this post to just be word vomit, and if you're reading I'm sure you're thinking to yourself I just need to buck up buttercup, but I think it's more than that. It's a quest to be truly happy and content. I've felt it in fleeting life moments, but never for long periods of time. Every once in a while it will creep up on me like it thought I totally forgot about it. I didn't and never do, but it's tough going without it for a while.

Alas, I won't make any promises this time about being back, I catch up on lots of blogs in the wee hours of the morning to see how you all are doing and it brings joy to my heart :) But I did promise some super yummy recipes so I will work on those for sure.

See, my heart and burden already feels a little bit lighter :)


  1. Glad to hear from you! :) And props for watching Gilmore Girls in bed! We do the same and just started over and finished season 2.

    I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. If it's any help, I felt the same way a couple of years ago before we bought our house and when I was working a job I hated. I just wanted to get going with life and mostly to be a Mom and to stay home raising my babies. It was hard to wait for the right time, but when the time came I found I savored it a lot more because I had to work and wait to get here. And it's still hard. You reach a goal and create a new one - especially financial goals - and it all seems so out of reach and yet you don't want to will life away just to get to the next phase. In short, I'm thinking of you and said a prayer for you and I hope you find more patience or get what it is you're waiting for soon. Good luck!

  2. I thought about you the other day...funny, huh?
    I applaud you for going out and tackling your world. You have to do what is best for you. So enjoy your time to be selfish. I applaud you for that Amanda!
    You're a beautiful lady inside and out!

    Happy Travels :)
    i'll be lookin for your recipes...mmm

  3. life is for living, sweet friend. i am so proud that you had the courage to write this post. we'll be here! you go out and do what you need to and live that beautiful, blessed life of yours! that's the way it's intended to be:)

  4. I have been struggling with the same thing! Lately I have been on the side of- good job way to make sure your needs are met and ultimately whats best for me will work out for everyone else. But I still go back and forth! It feels good and awful at the same time. Hoping that you figure everything out. If you stumble on some magic answer or formula let me know :)

  5. Awww I totally know how you feel. Somehow I manage to log in an post every other day on my main blog... But on my other blog, no matter how many ideas pop into my head, I can never just start writing. I know starting is ALL it would take. But I don't. Ugh.

    Hope you come back soon :)


  6. Your blog is wonderful!!

  7. nice blog :)
    Let`s follow each other sweetie!