Monday, July 11, 2011

where to begin

Ever feel like you've been crazy busy with nothing to show for it? I feel like we've been running, sprinting, hurtling towards these goals that are nonexistant. Bryan still has the same job, I still have mine. We wake up, go to work, work hard, come home, live, eat dinner (most of the time home cooked but I'll admit we like to indulge in a little pizza or teriyaki every once and a while) live some more, go to sleep and do it all over again the next day. 

I'm not complaining, I just feel busy, when in reality, we're really not. Lots on my mind, too much to type and too personal to divulge in one sitting, but I'll start with these thoughts;

I've thought about blogging almost every night. I lay in bed waiting to go to sleep skimming the pages of Pinterest or pouring over another episode of Gilmore Girls for the millionth time, but for some reason it hasn't been so easy to just log into Blogger.

I'm really struggling with patience right now. Patience with myself, life, friends, coworkers, my husband, future plans, family, you name it, I'm practicing patience. And whoever said practice makes perfect can kiss my butt because in no way am I more perfect at patience than I was two months ago. All joking aside though, it's a constant battle.

I feel as though I've been very selfish lately. Part of me pats myself on the back and says, 'Good job kid! You deserve to be selfish!' and the other part of me scolds it's counterpart for being so thoughtless, that I should be thinking of and putting others before me. Which do I choose? Or how can there be a happy medium?

I don't mean this post to just be word vomit, and if you're reading I'm sure you're thinking to yourself I just need to buck up buttercup, but I think it's more than that. It's a quest to be truly happy and content. I've felt it in fleeting life moments, but never for long periods of time. Every once in a while it will creep up on me like it thought I totally forgot about it. I didn't and never do, but it's tough going without it for a while.

Alas, I won't make any promises this time about being back, I catch up on lots of blogs in the wee hours of the morning to see how you all are doing and it brings joy to my heart :) But I did promise some super yummy recipes so I will work on those for sure.

See, my heart and burden already feels a little bit lighter :)