Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts

Monday, January 24, 2011

Confessions of a 20something


Here's to crossing my comfort zone...

My husband snores, but in his defense I heard I do too
I struggle with anxiety/stress/worry
I have really bad psoriasis on my scalp
Today I've been married for six months ♥ - please expect a super mushy post from me tomorrow to my husband
I wish I could write a letter to my teen self - in fact, I think I'll do that this week
Sometimes I feel, 'Am I ready to grow up?'
I stayed up till the wee hours reading her blog last night, I feel inspired by her
I wish I lived closer to my family in California, but couldn't imagine leaving the one in Washington
I listen to a radio station that plays 60's and 70's oldies - it makes me feel good :)
I love tanning - it also makes me feel good, even though I know it's really bad for me
I desperately want a new car just to put these on them - sorry babe :)
I traded a job that paid big bills that I hated, to a job that just pays the bills that I love
I sometimes avoid people I went to high school with - why? Embarrassment...
I'm not always as nice as I should be to my parents, that needs to change
I can't wait to move this weekend, finally
I didn't date much before Bryan, I'm OK with that, sometimes people make me think I missed out, I know they're wrong
I wonder 'Would I like me if I met me?'
I get hot flashes and sweaty often - especially in the summer ugh
I got my first pap smear for the first time last year - I cried before the doctor even started the exam
I worry about debt and my weight
I worry about my husband while he's at work
I love taking long soaks in the tub
Sometimes I intentionally watch sappy love stories or listen to country songs just to cry
I feel like a major bitch sometimes - if you've experienced that side of me, I'm sorry
I'm a major homebody...like really bad - Bryan isn't, I find it is a healthy balance for me
There are some toxic people I'm looking to cut out of my life...
I'm an awful procrastinator :(
I love with all my heart, and just want to be loved that way in return
I'm really easy to please
I just bought this from my seriously talented friend and fellow bloggee - check her out!
I feel really good that I did this - thanks for sticking around till the end :)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

What's YOUR worst fear?

Raise your hand if you've ever been in a situation where your worst fear was realized?

[my hand is raised]

I've been thinking a lot about when it happened to me because with Bryan's dad in town, we seem to be re-telling the story to family friends, and the funny part is every time I tell it my heart starts pounding again. Please keep in mind this is not my very worst fear, but something that gives me anxiety, for sure. Ok, maybe it is.

It was just last summer. Bryan and I were on our honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas. Our week had been AMAZING. We were staying at a time share of Kim and Tom's [Bryan's mom and step-dad] and were enjoying every minute of it. The food, the personal soaking tub on our deck, the swim up bar - ah yes, this must be "The Life". We flew in on the Sunday after our wedding, and the "accident" happened on Friday. Thank goodness because I feel like it would have completely ruined our trip.

[The view from our hotel room]
[Our feeties in the sand]
[Being silly :)]
[Glass bottom boat tour to Lover's Beach]




Bryan and I both picked an excursion to do that week. He picked Snuba, a combination of snorkeling and scuba, and I picked parasailing. I was so excited, this was WAY out of my comfort zone and I felt butterflies in my tummy the entire way there. And let me preface this story by letting you know, I am TERRIBLY afraid of 
1. The ocean and 
2. Sharks. 
I'm pretty sure I had a minor nervous break down while trying to snorkel in 2005 while in Mazatlan. 

So, back to the story
[insert photo of us on our way to Cabo, fully dressed, hair and make up done, and please also note Bryan's $120 sunglasses]

We hopped in the shuttle, picked up one more couple from another hotel, and we were on our way to the marina. My tummy was still fluttering when we arrived and got on the boat. The other couple went first. Basically you sit on the back of the boat and the HUGE parachute pulls you off the boat as it starts going faster. When you are done the skipper reels you back in. I thought to myself, "I can do this". I even asked the guy, "So, there's no chance of us going in the water right?" and he assured me there wasn't. Then it was our turn,
Getting hooked up to the parachute, you had to kind of sit in the harness
Just lifted off, my face is priceless
All was perfect at this point

When we were in the air it was absolutely beautiful, you could see everything, and it was so peacefully quiet, I don't even know how else to describe it. Bryan and I held hands, this was a special moment for us, new husband and wife doing something like this together. I thought I should remember that moment forever.

That moment was gone and we realized he was reeling us back in. All of the sudden [Bryan tells me because I think my mind blacked all of this out in my state of panic] we were drifting down dangerously close to the water until
-CRASH-
We were in it and being dragged merceylously through the ocean, drinking in what seemed like gallons of salt water. And even though we were probably only dragged for 10-15 seconds it felt like an hour. When we finally stopped, we were submerged in the water in the middle of the Sea of Cortez. Nervous breakdown mode set in and I was screaming, crying, flailing...it probably wasn't a pretty site. Thank God for Bryan, he grabbed me by the life vest, looked me in the eye and said, "Amanda! We're ok, everything's ok, I got you" This was sweet looking back on it, but at the moment didn't help at all.

I thought for sure, this was the part in the movie where the newlywed couple on their honeymoon, gets in a parasailing accident and eaten by sharks. One of the worst feelings to me is having my legs dangling in a dark abyss, and that's exactly what it felt like. We were in the MIDDLE of the ocean, the water was a dark blue now, not light blue like it is towards the shore. 

All of the sudden Bryan got yanked under the water. At this point I was still screaming and crying, and now panicked that my husband got chosen by the shark first. He bobs back up above the surface and says the parachute got tangled around his leg and pulled him under. In the mean time, another boat has arrived on the scene to help us. The other couple [that had gone first and their experience was just peachy -  jerks] said that the power had just cut out on the boat and that's why the reel stopped, and even though the power cut out the boat continued to cruise through the water which is why we were dragged.

We finally got pulled into the other boat that was flagged down, and I really wish a picture would have been taken at this point, because I can only imagine the hot mess we were, well I was looking [my husband stayed oh so calm cool and collected for the most part]. I on the other hand, soaking wet, hair all mangled, and mascara streaming down my face, not a pretty site.

So it had happened, one of my worst fears realized. I was stranded, or so it felt like, in the middle of the ocean not able to control what was happening or see what was swimming beneath me. I felt helpless, embarrassed and livid all at the same time. And you want to know the very worst part? Bryan's wedding ring, that he hadn't even worn for a WEEK, and sunglasses came off when we were being dragged through the water. HUGE disappointment. Thank goodness it was his ring and not mine, but we were both still so sad. 
RIP Von Zipper sunglasses and Bryan's wedding ring. 

I keep teasing him that the next ring I get him needs to have "My love for you is ocean deep" on it, since his first ring is somewhere at the bottom of The Sea of Cortez :)

Sometimes I wonder why I'm SO afraid of the ocean and sharks, and it quite possibly has everything to do with the Jaws movies that I watched at WAY to young of age, nonetheless, the damage has been done. I will forever have a deep seeded fear of the both.

So, has your worst fear ever been realized? What happened? How did you deal with it? Does your heart still flutter when you think about it?

Thanks for letting me share my story, I hope NONE of you ever have to go through it, or if you do, I pray that you're not a big baby/scaredy cat like me!

PS -See the 365 Days in Pictures tab at the top of the page :)