hiatus

I think I first heard that word on Oprah, or maybe the movie 'Casper' - you know that one with a super young Christina Ricci and thensuper cute Devon Sawa. Or maybe it was one of the ghosts who said;

"I feel like Oprah on hiatus." 

I'm rambling...

Either way, it's not till recently that I've truly realized what it meant.

Since September, I've been blogging consistently - pretty much daily. Like I've said before, it's an amazing outlet. It's a place I can come every day, remember to be thankful, tell the ones that are important that I love them, chronicle my cooking endeavors, AND I've made really awesome friends in some of you along the way.

So where am I going with this.

I have been, and am going to be a little more absent than normal, and I can only hope you stick with me like you have in the past through everything else that has happened in my life. 

I'm not hurt, my family is ok, Bryan and I are doing great, but it's just time to take a step back and re-evaluate situations and relationships in my life which may take a toll on my blogging life. I'm finally getting a sleep pattern down and getting my anxiety under control, however, I feel like I'm starting to hold what other people say and think of me in higher regard than what I think and feel about myself - and I'm not ok with that.

On that note, I'll still be around, just not as much for the time being.

You ladies are wonderful, and I continue to look in on your lives every day, I might be taking a minor step back for the time being. Thank you for everything - I really do love you guys!

Just know, I'm sure as heck not giving up on myself or this blog :)

Let's talk about crappy situations...

**DISCLAIMER**
Don't read if you are offended by poop talk and or lots of [digressions]

[in the famous words of Ksavera]

So there I was,

It was 9pm last night. I had cooked dinner for Bryan, myself, Christine [sister-in-law], Kim [mother-in-law] and Sophia [niece]

We had just finished Glee - which was amazing! Bryan got a service call. He was out the door before I could even give him a kiss [ps I just want to say how much I love him, seriously, he never complains about these crazy hour service calls]

Kim left, Christine looked at me and said,
"How late do you think Target is open?"
I said, "probably about 10ish?"
she said, "Wanna go with me?"
I said, "Heck yes!"
[thinking to myself, Bryan is gone, I'm definitely not tired yet, and I <3 Target...heck yes!]

We get to Target at about 9:15ish and Christine heads straight for the clothes. Sophia and I trailed behind her, when Soph started doing the potty dance. I grabbed her hand and we skipped to the bathroom, she did her business, and we met back up with Christine. Then all of the sudden Sophia looked at us with those 'uh-oh' eyes and she said, "I pooped my pants..." I scooped her up [because at this point it was like 9:40ish and Christine was still trying to get what she came for] and rushed her back to the bathroom. Sure enough, she had pooped her pants a little and was still kind of going. I made sure she was done, wiped her as best as I could, and put her poopy underwear in the little bag that was in the bathroom stall trash can. We stood next to each other washing our hands and she said, "Thanks Auntie Manda."

 I looked down at her and couldn't help but sigh and let out a giggle. 'Is this what being a mom is like? Late night runs to Target, kid in tote, possible potty accidents...

Obviously I know it's SO much more than that, but most of the time we don't get to see behind the scenes of being a mom. I feel like I got to witness that last night ;)

So, what did I learn?

1. Make sure they're done pooping.
2. Use all surrounding items necessary to clean up the mess.
3. Carry an extra pair of undies just in case.

Could you be mad at this sweet little face?

didn't think so.

Sophia, thanks for the lesson on being a mom, and turning a crappy situation into one I will remember when I have kiddos of my own. No doubt I'll find myself in that same situation again :)

Breakfast of champions

or a five year old...you decide :)

Let's go ahead and make it a FABULOUS week my friends! :)



I have three kids

[pretty cute]

Well, yesterday, today and tomorrow until 6:30.

A seven, ten and fourteen year old.
[kids of Bryan's boss that we are baby/house sitting for while they are out of town]

Here was my evening last night:

4:30pm: got off work

4:45pm: got home after driving through a hail storm [stressed me out]

5:30pm: drove the two younger kids to swim lessons

5:35pm: turning at a stop light I heard click click click in the back seat coming from the seven year old, turn to the ten year old and she says, "He's being a blinker."

6:30pm: come home from swim lessons

6:45pm: help youngest one with homework & make dinner
[chicken nuggets and fries]

7:00pm: collect dishes from dinner and put in dishwasher

7:30pm: relax with kids and remind them it's time to start winding down and that it will be time for them to go upstairs and read soon

8pm: remind kids again, it's really time to go upstairs this time

8:05pm: reminded youngest one again, he was pushing it

8:30pm: had both younger kids in bed and caught the last part of American Idol
9:00pm: exhausted. and that was only day one!

Oh, and did you know that the reason turtles smell bad is because they fart?

Yeah, I didn't either. But those are the kind of things you learn when you acquire three kids over night.

All you mama's out there,
I'm tipping my hat to you, fo sho.

So if I'm not around much today, it's because I'm busy bathing, bussing, or bossing the kiddos around. It's good practice for someday right?

Oy vey - say a little prayer for me ;)
PS - hope you all are well and having fabulous Thursdays!

Johnny Cash says...

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line ♥


PS - If you missed yesterday's challenge, please see it here - I feel it's already been rewarding :)

PSS - See today's Tuesday letter here

PSSS(last one I promise) - I joined the Blog Guidebook! You should too! :)

Stripped

Do you ever just feel like stripping?

Whoa, before you take it the wrong way, I mean stripping off the make up, the trying-to-be-cute clothes, the hair products - the fake you?

I've worn some kind of make-up every day since I was in middle school, it makes me feel pretty. It hides my flaws and blemishes. It makes my eyelashes longer and darker. Don't get me wrong I love cosmetics, but essentially, it makes me a different person.

I'm not exactly sure what I wanted to accomplish out of this post, but just to assure you, that you are beautiful underneath it all.

There once was a time when I didn't leave the house without make up on, but I've become more and more ok with it. Not to mention it's better for my skin to give it a break every once in a while.

Here's my challenge.

Post a picture of the 'done up' you and the 'stripped down' you.

Be comfortable in your own skin.

Feel beautiful from the inside out.

Love you.

If you accept this challenge I would love to see/hear about it.

Will you leave your link below?

You all inspire me daily and I admire your bravery :)

(I tried to make a button for this challenge but couldn't figure it out so please leave your link below if you do want to participate :)

Let's talk about anxiety

I've mentioned it before here and there, but I've never really gone into detail about my struggle with anxiety.

It started when Bryan and I first moved out on our own, back in 2007. I knew that it was the right thing to do. I was paying rent to live at my parent's house but was still having to live under their rules and curfews. For a girl who had lived on her own for two years prior and then coming back to that, it was very hard. Not to mention when you're 20 years old you think you know everything about everything. So, in November Bryan and I found and moved into our first apartment. It was small, not in the best neighborhood, but it was ours. I was paying rent to come and go as I pleased. I was happy.

[2008 after we moved out together]

In December I noticed I wasn't sleeping very well and found myself many a night falling asleep on the couch watching TV. And the nights that I was falling asleep in my bed [or trying to] my anxiety was so bad, I felt like I couldn't move - I felt trapped - paralyzed - in my own body. I would cry and Bryan would wake up and rub my back, get me water, and assure me that everything would be ok. But again, being this new 'independent' woman that I was, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I read books and internet articles about ways to calm your mind before you go to sleep and ways to relax your body. Nothing worked. My next step was to see one of the doctors I worked for. She prescribed a low dose of Ambien. I loved it at first, It was knocking me out AND helping me stay asleep, I thought it was the wonder drug. Then I started noticing things like I would remember falling asleep on the couch but wouldn't remember waking up to get there and in the morning I felt like I had had a hard night of drinking. I decided this medication was not for me. [If you are on it and love it I'm so happy for you. Unfortunately my body just didn't mesh well with it.]

After much consideration [and a year later without being on anything], I decided to talk with another physician and he ended up prescribing me Lorazepam I feel like it's definitely made my night time anxiety more tolerable however I don't want to be on medications forever, and know for sure I won't be able to/want to be when I get pregnant. I'm still exploring other options such as seeing a therapist to get to the root of what is causing my anxiety and also hypnotherapy; I'll let you know how that goes, not sure when, but hopefully soon.

So what's my point?

Anxiety sucks.

It's embarrassing. It makes me lose sleep. It stresses me out to think about the anxiety  attack I may have tonight before bed.

I'm not exactly sure what causes it or why it happens worse some nights than others, and I hate that I've just dealt with it for this long.

So my question is, have you or anyone you know ever dealt with anxiety? Whether it's during the day or night time, work or every day situations. What were your/their solutions? Was it embarrassing for you/them?

If you don't feel comfortable leaving a comment, please email me at

alhutson0513@gmail.com

Thank you so much for letting me be honest with you and for not judging, it means a lot.

Love you all long time.

Today's Letters Inspired Tuesday

Today's Letters: Dear Bryan, this weekend was full of, well, a LOT! We had our first bonfire in our fire pit, enjoyed two sunny days in a row, and attended our first hockey game together. Love you more than seeing the hockey players get into fights! Dear food poisoning, I really don't appreciate your springing up on me in the middle of the night on Sunday, and I really don't appreciate your staying for as long as you have. Please evacuate ASAP. I feel like Emily on 'The Devil Wears Prada' when she says, "I'm just a stomach flu away from my goal weight." I've lost almost ten pounds since yesterday. Dear said hockey players of the Seattle Thunderbirds, I had NO idea things got that out of hand! My idea of hockey is from watching 'The Mighty Ducks' not seeing you check each other up against the plexi-glass, holy cow! Dear husband, thank you for holding me last night until I fell asleep, when I get anxiety attacks it's really hard to make them go away, but knowing that you kept your arm around me until I slipped into sleepy-land made it a little easier. I love you.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Please pray for me, I contracted [what I think is food poisoning] on Sunday night and have been in pain since :( First the flu now this? I just want a break! 

PS - please see inspiration for this post HERE - they're pretty cool.

PSS - speaking of anxiety, that will be my 'Let's talk about it' post tomorrow, make sure you check back.

Anothony Hopkins says...

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." ♥

From the movie 'Meet Joe Black' Anthony Hopkin's character William Parrish



PS - I'm thinking about starting a new blog topic, I want to call it "Let's talk about it" things that we are all thinking but rarely talk about or say. Kind of like my pap smear post this morning, they may be things that I find awkward to talk about or things that aren't PC... either way, I'm trying to be more real and honest - first and foremost with myself, and with others. What are some topics that make you nervous or are awkward for you to talk about, if any?

The house that built me

The House that Built Me

There once was a house that built a woman.

It kept her safe and her secrets.

It held family dinners at the kitchen table and deep conversations in the living room.


It listened to her favorite songs on repeat.

It saw many tears and even more laughter.

It helped raised three children and an orange and black kitty.

It was always the place for her to come and be herself.

It's front porch witnessed her many kisses and a few heartaches.

It helepd her get ready for dances, Friday night football games and her wedding.

It had a bedroom and soft place to lay her head at night.

It stayed warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

It's where she spent endless hours on the phone giggling.

It's where she came home from a hard day at school to her mom sitting at the kitchen table waiting to give her a hug.

It's the house where she realized she'd met her soul mate and where that soul mate came to ask her parents for her hand in marriage - four years later.

It is still and will always be home. I'm thankful.

Is there a house/home/apartment/condo that built you?

PS - thank you to Miranda Lambert's Grammy performance for the inspiration to write this post

Connection

via weheartit.com

Do you have that one road/freeway/bridge that connects your life?

You know what I'm talking about, the one you find yourself on weekly or even daily? The one that you could drive with your eyes closed? Ok maybe not that well, but it's the one you spend your 'life' on. The one you know exactly how many minutes it's going to take you to get to and from where you need to go. The one you know exactly when to switch lanes to avoid getting stuck behind the traffic line. The one that is comforting.

I have one. I know it well. When I was making the drive from the old apartment to the new house on Sunday, I couldn't help but think, this is the road that connects my life. It connects my past to my present. It connects us to both our families and jobs. It connected us to each other when I was going to college and when Bryan lived with his dad in high school. It's the road we'll probably be driving on for the rest of our life.

Do you ever take a minute on that road to just breathe and give thanks? Without that road I would be lost. Literally, I can't navigate back roads very well lol Maybe I'm getting a little deep here for  a Wednesday morning, it's just been on my heart since the move. It's funny the little things we depend on every day.

So, thank you little freeway for getting me where I need to go, knowing me so well, and always steering me in the right direction. I'll see you later ;)

Hey kiddo, it's me, Amanda!

Amanda,

Hey there kid, yep, I said it. That's what you are - a kid. Take it from an adult, you want to be a kid for as long as you can, being an adult isn't that great. There are bills to pay, people to please, responsibilities to uphold, it's tough work. It's not all about drinking, driving and living on your own so get that fantasy out of your head. I've decided to write you a letter which you can take to heart or not, which I wish that you would've. So please, sit back and listen... I mean it!

OK, first off, Stop trying to grow up too fast. You are only a kid for so long and I promise you, you will wish you would've savored every minute of it. Tell your parents you love them, every day, even if they piss you off to the point of no return. Your parents are some of the only people that will be there for you no matter what, forever, so try being a little bit nicer to them, eh? While we're on the subject of family, take time for your younger brother and sister. Take them to the park, read to them, play pretend even if you feel like a doofus, there will come a day when even they're too cool to do anything like that. Don't start dating too soon, you will have the rest of your life for romance and butterflies and rainbows - no need to rush, I promise you will grow up and meet the love of your life, oh and PS - it's VERY unlikely you think you've met him already, just a heads up. Take family trips and participate, don't sit off in the distance because you are 'over it'. Play games, make s'mores, and act silly, your family will not judge you and probably join in. Stop worrying about your weight and appearance, You. Are. Beautiful. There is no need to get all dolled up in sixth grade, those boys aren't gonna notice. Make memories, remember how certain things and people make you feel when you are happy and hold on for dear life to them. The world is so corrupt and you don't ever know who to trust, trust those memories. Act silly with your girlfriends, dance in the grocery store, paint your fingernails crazy colors and write notes back and forth - these may be friendships you are creating that will last your entire life.  Ask your grandparents to tell you their love story, and take notes, that's real love.  Believe in yourself, you've got a lot to offer and people will realize that when they meet you. Don't be self conscious, smile with your teeth, shake people's hands when you first meet them and make a lasting first impression. And last but not least, finish college, not for your parents, for you and your own future. You can do it, even if you don't know what 'it' is yet.

That's all I've got. Take it or leave it, but I would choose to take it. I know you may think you know everything, but trust me, you don't. Take it easy and enjoy it - life I mean. Don't want it to pass you by.